Statue of Liberty Strategy Upends Team Chaos

A capacity crowd filled Stadium #1 at historic Christopher Fields – often compared to Wrigley Field and Fenway Park as one of the truly classic ballparks – as the Chaos took the softball field for the first time in team history.  The Chaos looked comfortable and loose, despite the large media contingent on hand to cover the moment for posterity.

As game time approached, the opposing team (Band of Misfits) arrived at the field.  Exiting their team bus, they made quite an impression with their head-to-toe matching uniforms, gloves and bats, and full coaching staff.  One reporter in the press box noted, “I didn’t realize the Yankees were in town.”

Despite the obvious disparity between the two teams in equipment and organization, the Chaos simply shrugged it off and went about their business as the game began.  The team jumped out to an early lead as outfielder Winston Cook crossed the plate with the first run in Team Chaos history.  The roar from the crowd was deafening as home plate was removed for enshrinement in the Hall-of-Fame. 

Through the middle innings, the teams traded runs with neither ballclub able to take control of the game.  Then, with the Misfits threatening to explode for a big inning, the momentum suddenly shifted towards the Chaos when outfielder and player-of-the-game Jaz Pester made an incredible leaping catch to rob the Misfits cleanup hitter of a home run.  Spurred on by the Pester's defensive heroics, the Chaos bats came to life with a barrage of laser beam line drives from Scott Richter, Steve Richter, Shane Graper, Lyric Black, Brian Chase, Jaclyn Charles, Cydney Moora and several other Chaos players.  This sudden onslaught turned an 8-6 deficit into a 13-8 lead heading into the final inning.

With time running out on the game, the Chaos took the field looking to close out a stunning victory over their highly touted and excessively outfitted opponents.  At this point, the Misfits unveiled their controversial win-at-all-costs strategy – The Statue of Liberty Offense.  Various teams have employed this much reviled strategy over the years, with great success – but have earned the everlasting scorn of other teams, officials, members of the media, softball fans, and 9 out of 10 people who have never even see a softball game, but still find the tactic despicable.  The strategy involves hitters standing perfectly still in the batter’s box, never taking the bat off their shoulders, and using an umpire’s stingy strike zone to simply take walks. 

The Misfits utilized this shameful strategy to fine effect in their last at bat as they refused to swing at any pitch, no matter how hittable.  Despite the best efforts of two frustrated Chaos pitchers, the Misfits were able to score 6 runs in the inning to take the tainted victory. 

During the post game press conference, several Chaos players and media members commented on the Misfits’ sketchy tactics.

“They came dressed like the Yankees and then did their best Statue of Liberty imitation at the plate,” said ESPN commentator Peter Gammons. 

“I like to think we play a higher caliber of Co-Ed D-Rec softball, where hitters actually swing at the ball,” said Chaos Co-Manager, Kacy Manning.  “It would never occur to us to employ this kind of strategy just to win a ballgame.  It really goes against everything that softball stands for.”

Even politicians have come out with statements following last night’s game.  All three major Presidential candidates released a joint statement promising that, if elected, they would “ban this strategy from all organized softball leagues in the United States in an effort to support good sportsmanship, hot dogs, apple pie, and the American Way.” 

With the season off to such an amazing start, it’s anyone’s guess where it will end up.  Stay tuned to your weekly Affiliate Newsletter for updates and recaps of every game this season!

Happy Birthday to the following Media Breakaway employee:
• Dani Ross, HR Manager, on May 8th